The need to be ruthless

I am in a position where I realise I am wasting my life for not having the balls to deal with things. I can see the obvious, whether I am playing music, conducting, or dealing with insecurities and shit.

There are people I know whom they are popular with practically everyone. I know I'm not a dickhead but I am not a "popular" person. Of course I am not envious with those kind (being envious with playas who can score a pussy is different shit altogether). I am not adept in engaging with idle chat and there are "dialect barrier" BS even though my Mandarin is more awesome compared with five years ago.

So, life is short being nice. I'll do things my way or die trying.