REC - Blair Witch meets George Romero?

Nothing kicks ass like a good workout for the heart. Um, not by normal cardiac workout. What constitutes one is a good jolt of kick by getting thrilled or scared the bejeezus out of your ass. I always thought the video game medium is more scarier than movies when it comes to deliver good scares. You name it; Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Fatal Frame series. Instead of scares being delivered by whims and from a fixed perspective set by a so-called director who supposedly knows how to deliver the goods, most of the time its a let down. Not so in an interactive horror game - explore the vast but unseen heavily misted stretches in the woods or claustrophobic, dark often very-very dimly lit corridors in a abandoned storehouse/mansion/apartment/etc? The gamer is given free will to get jolted in different ways possible, either from getting chased by a tyrant with a hugeass chainsaw/hammer or risk getting gang-raped by a horde of zombies.

Not to say the film medium is totally flawed. I've seen really good films that even made me switch on lights to sleep at night after watching it; Ju-On series, The Shining, Blair Witch to name a few. The really good movie experience is akin to being chained on a chair being forced to watch a live corpse being dissected to its bare bones. REC is but one example.

The makers of this film doesn't give you any pretentious bullshit, hence you won't find anything groundbreaking or "original" to top Blair Witch Project the film that gave birth to "first-person documentary" style of filming. There is no room for "plot development" and all characters basically whine and yell at each other most of the time. Hence I do not understand stupid critics who denigrates this film based on those criterias, like the one from Variety: http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117934528.html?categoryid=31&cs=1

Premise of plot is simple, no need for fancy side-stories about a protagonist's hidden secret past or an excuse for a stupid sex scene (typical in slasher movies) despite the fact the female protagonist is hot. Female reporter covers a typical day of a firefighter for a weekly documentary, which leads her and cameraman to an apartment after a distress call about an old lady getting stuck in an apartment. Over there, shit happens when the old lady attacks one of the policemen, then in an attempt to secure help the apartment is sealed off by authorities fearing an epidemic outbreak. The reporter and cameramen, trapped with fireman, a camera-phobic cop and distressed tenants have to find a way out of there while things in the apartment is getting ugly.

This movie is seriously only Blair Witch with zombies. Thus if you have watched it before, the good thing it retained is the indie-feel, real budget film making and quality without fancy shit like CGI, orchestra and fancy lighting. While Blair Witch is basically the fear of what we cannot see, REC basically ramp things up with that plus the fear with things we can see, hence the zombies.

And why did I mentioned video games in first paragraph? The penthouse as you will see later in the film is an obvious homage to the Resident Evil and Silent Hill. Only gamers will understand what I mean and I don't think that would spoil the sheer awesomeness of this movie. The only flaw is that the movie is too short. I thought the last 10 minutes could be stretched a little more. But then that would be too much of a good thing to finally give way to an actual heart attack. It is that terrifying.

As usual if a horror movie from a non-Hollywood scores big by satiating the lust of screen masochists, its guaranteed for a remake - from Hollywood. However it is also an unwritten rule that a superior remake is like finding speck of gold in Saharan desert. So if you come across the title "Quarantine" but have yet to watch this movie for Chrissakes give it a pass. Even if reading subtitle is a chore, its just a little chore compared to ruining yourself watching an inferior Hollywood remake. Best experienced lights off, after midnight, maximum effect; alone.

Kinta 1881 - full of promise, but ultimately tanked.

Do not be deceived by the sheer coolness of this poster. You're better off spared your RM 10 and 90 minutes of your time.

What pulled me to watch this first ever local produced martial arts flick was a review in The Star written by if not mistaken, S.B Toh. It was one of the most well-written review I have ever read and the writer commented that it is essentially a Testosterone-charged movie just like 300 where as soon as you finish the movie you will rush to join a monastery and endure masochistic workout regime for hell of it. After watching it is safe to say I have NEVER been conned by a reviewer ever in my life. Heck in fact I won't be surprised if the writer is paid to seriously write a fucking damn good review like that to lure The Star readers watching that movie. Holy shite.

I do not want to diss a local effort like that even if it falls short of my expectations. The fight scenes are frankly lame, with terrible editing and moves that looked too scripted and unconvincing. That is okay. Screenplay is a total mess with some scenes that are 3-4 minutes long actually RECYCLED in flashbacks and the betrayal by one of the main lead characters still baffled me by the end of the movie and I do not understand why. I can endure that. What freaking pisses me off are the amateurish script writing and usage of terrible cliches that should've died in B-movie martial arts films made in 80s.

To start one, I suppose ALL the voices you hear are dubbed to the film that the actors acted out. That means they read the script and recorded in the studio so its obvious that whenever Patrick Teoh speaks he sounds like he's been dubbed by somebody else. The numerous groans during the fight scenes are reminiscent of Malay-dubbed Anime we're accustomed to. WTF.

The way the story unravels feels like you're watching a school play. No kidding Sherlock. We're told the main protagonists along with the mine workers are exploited and it just happens they realised it when one day eating dinner the dish ain't different from what they had for the past few weeks (supposedly) and one of those folks couldn't take it. (insert cliche) "We have to do something about it!" Then the main baddie in the movie Patrick Teoh after hearing their grouses decided to dispatch his henchmen and eliminate the miners.

So the entire dormitory the tin miners were staying burned to ground and the surviviors scampered away to the woods. They were found by Malay villagers and were nursed back to health by women clad only in sarong. Here, the protagonists endure several flashbacks which most of the time were tedious to sit through. Typically there are several love stories which was godawful including one which involves Patrick Teoh's daughter having a crush with Tiger, one of the protagonists. I felt like giving a bitchsmack to that actress and her gwaimui friend for their "partnership" atrocious enough to win a Razzie award. The way she introduced uncle Tin Sok (the uncle who takes care of the miners) was excruciating; "Meet my uncle Tin Sok, he's in charge of the miners" "Oh, Tin Sok? Tin Sok?" replies the gwaimui in awe. You might be forgiven that so-called British lady is actually some Belgian who doesn't speak any word of English >_> Another protagonist fell in love with a mute girl whom her dad was brutally murdered by the baddies. Here's a question. Before the old man was murdered, he left a letter asking anyone who read it to take care of his poor, defenceless mute daughter. One of the protagonists picked it up. Did the old man actually included a passport-size photograph? You tell me.

The only saving grace of the movie is the cinematography. Yes, considering the same guy made "Three Generations" featuring Amber Chia which I assume is a total dud not worth my time anyway. One of the fight scenes involves in a Ipoh limestone cave and the shots were gorgeous. Not to mention the murder of the mute girl's dad is actually the highlight of the film, from how the spear went through his neck which was graphic and how he was hanged. Too bad the fight scenes didn't look as cool as that.

Kinta 1881 had a climatic fight inside a cage which is an exhibitionist match arranged by Patrick Teoh to select new Head in charge of the tin mine. Now the fight scenes here are much more realistic compared to rest of the lot earlier on. Not surprisingly the movie ends abruptly in an anti-climatic manner. What does it leave us?

Judging from the hype and the way the film is promoted, I won't be surprised if the producers recouped the money from making this film. I am actually looking forward for another local martial arts movie as long as C.L Hor stays out of it, even if he's very capable of shooting beautiful scenary and gorgeous shots. Thailand, whom we Malaysians snobbed as a less developed country than us has more than just Ong Bak flick to boast to the world. We have long, long way to go.

The Hulk remake is just as shite as Ang Lee's original

With Edward Norton injecting lifeline into the Hulk "regeneration" movie, nothing can go wrong. Oooopppsss...another experimental failure.

The new Hulk movie by Marvel (yes Marvel has their own movie studio) promised to make viewers forget about the melodramatic tedium of Ang Lee's original. Even better they assigned Edward Norton to be the lead! Yes, the guy who acted in American History X and Fight Club. Finally this is the real deal, sonny - not.

The movie is much faster paced than the ponderous original, yes action scenes are relentless especially the factory showdown and the fight between Hulk and Abomination which was nail-biting I have to admit. However director Louis Leterrier's credits which includes Jet Li's Unleashed and Jason Statham's Transporter series looked capable of producing only MTV-catered B-movie action films only. Therefore that explains character and plot development which was fucking pitiful.

Apparently the director decided to shift all the backstory about how Dr. Bruce Banner was turned into Hulk into the freaking original opening credits! It looked like Marvel is taking exorcism of Ang Lee's tedium melodrama too seriously. So if the original was trying to have too much soul, this remake is void of it. When you're not empathizing with Edward Norton despite the ordeals and trouble he is undergoing as Dr Bruce Banner, something is terribly wrong. The army is chasing his ass all over Brazil at one scene yet I've never felt so indifferent over a lead character before.

The CGI is no different than Ang Lee's original Hulk. Yes the Hulk remake looked more chiselled and enormous strength in muscles but if there is a little compliment Ang Lee's Hulk looked like a freaking CGI cartoon while Leterrier's Hulk looked like its ripped from Warcraft III. The big fight between Hulk and Abomination is bloody intense but if this were shown amongst other videos in E3 or other gaming conventions, it looks like a PS3 demonstration. When Hulk and Abomination were crashing and flying through buildings the background textures lost its photorealism and the differences between two minutes previously was like night and day.

Hulk doesn't suck so bad like a typical (insert_______) Movie or a Uwe Boll trash you'll mourn for the loss of at least one and a half hours but what is pitiful is the terrible waste of acting talents such as Edward Norton and Liv Tyler. I thought both had great chemistry as a couple but the script had let them down. Now terrific action movies such as Bourne trilogy or Die Hard shows that a decent script with decent character and plot development makes a kickass popcorn flick, not this shallow comic-book CGI tedium.

Best football manager interview ever.

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=578459&sec=england&cc=4716

The edited transcript of Newcastle United's interim manager Joe Kinnear's first official press conference, taken from The Guardian:

Joe Kinnear: Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?
Simon Bird: Me.
JK: You're a c**t.
SB: Thank you.
JK: Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely f**king out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can f**k off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that f**king crap. No f**king way, lies. F**k, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] f**ked off.
SB: No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?
JK: I've f**king read it, I've read it.
SB: It doesn't say that. Have you read it?
JK: You are trying to f**king undermine my position already.
SB: Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.
JK: F**k off. F**k off. It's your last f**king chance.
SB: You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.
JK: What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?
SB: I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.
JK: You are negative b**tards, the pair of you.
SB: So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?
JK: It is none of your f**king business. What the f**k are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a f**king manager. F**king day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?
SB: No, you can listen to who you want.
JK: I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.
SB: Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.
JK: No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.
SB: What? More important things?
JK: What are you? My personal secretary? F**k off.
SB: You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.
JK: I was meeting the f**king chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.
SB: It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.
JK: I can't trust any of you.
Niall Hickman: Joe, no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first-team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.
JK: My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.
NH: But why Monday, no one could believe it?
JK: I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You are delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?
NH: Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?
JK: I have done it before. It is going to my f**king lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not f**king about. I don't talk to f**king anybody. It is raking up stories. You are f**king so f**king slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is f**king sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ... [but] you will find some c**t that ...
Other journalist: How long is your contract for Joe?
JK: None of your business.
SB: Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six to eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you don't know ...
JK: I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to f**king hide, he's trying to do this or that.

There follows an exchange regarding the circumstances under which Kinnear had met the owner Mike Ashley and executive director (football) Dennis Wise.

Steve Brenner: (football writer for the Sun) We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people c**ts?
JK: Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.
Newcastle press officer: What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.
Journalist: Well, is that what Joe thinks?

JK :Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can f**k off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop.

Journalist: It's only been a week.
JK: Exactly. It feels more like a year.
Journalist: It's early days for you to be like this.
JK: No, I'm clearing the air. And this is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.
Journalist But this isn't going to do you or us any good.
JK: I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them. I don't think they'll interpret it any different, I don't think they'll mix it up, I don't think they'll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me ... I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like "Well, that's a load of bollocks ..."
Journalist: "Bollocks to that" is what you said.
JK: Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?
Journalist: That was it.
JK: No it wasn't, no it wasn't. What was after it? I don't know if it was your paper, but what went after it?
Journalist: I don't know.
JK: It even had the cheek to say "bollocks to Newcastle".
Journalist: I didn't write that.
JK: That was my first f**king day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?
Journalist: Where was that? Which paper said that?
JK: I've got it. I can't remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.
Journalist: But you didn't say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.
JK: I'll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that?
Journalist: Are you saying that someone has reported you saying "bollocks to Newcastle?"
JK: Yes. Lovely.
Journalist: I don't know who's reported that.
JK: I'll tell you what, I'll bring it in.
Journalist: That's obviously going to damage you. That's not a good thing. But I don't think someone's done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.
JK: So have I. But I haven't come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I'm not flavour of the month for you, it don't f**king bother me. I've got a job to do. And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. I'm not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Stick to the truth and the facts. And don't twist anything.
Journalist: You know, you know the game ...
JK: Of course I know, but I don't have to like it.
Journalist: Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're c**ts, we can all f**k off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?
JK :Do it. Fine. F**king print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.Much, much later after long discussions over whether Kinnear had promised Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan would be returning to the club
Press officer: Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.
Journalist: But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us.
Press officer: I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said and try and move on.
Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?
PO: No, to doing something now.
Journalist: What, one press conference only?
(Silence)
Journalist: Any knocks?
PO: Come on, let's go football.
Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?
JK: It's going very well. No problems at all.
Journalist: Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?
JK: Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it.

Jesus am so fucking bored.

So Anwar yapped at Sept 16 that the govt will fall in few days bla bla bla.

Ok then he said he wants PM to arrange for emergency parliamentary session at Sept 23 to file No Confidence against Pak Lah.

Of course wat u expect Pak Lah to say? He's gone cuckoo if he says yes.

Ask the typical people on the streets about Anwar's crossover and most likely Anwar they will tell you to dream on. Of course instead of ignoring Anwar or better, just bust him under ISA the whole BN cahoots cannot resist joining his charade. Switching portfolios with Najib (Take over Defence Ministry wor), more UMNO members calling him to resign before the party's assembly in December and Muhiyiddin making more blardy noise. So much for mirage.

But then on the other side, it looks like Anwar is fucking clueless on the way this shit is going or he's still desperately trying to buy more MPs into his coalition. Fucking clueless as he still doesn't know how to do this crossover thing properly even if he already has enough fucking MPs in his hands. Does he know beforehand the parliament can only be called after Ramadan thats where he can ask his MPs to file no confidence against Badawi? The whole Agong thing, what if His Majesty rejects his request?

But then again this is Datuk Seri Anwar and he knows more shit than I do.

His mistake was imposing the sept 16 deadline and as result a lot of people are already let down. But then his "lie" may be part of the plan. All the mind games will drag on till even end of the year.

For most people, this soap opera of politics is starting to feel like the plot has dragged too much over the welcome it deserves. Do whatever you have to do Anwar but this takeover thing doesn't materialize and Pakatan's reign will be in deep shit because probably by next general election, people would not bother to vote for either Pakatan or Barisan. Who do you choose? Racist, cronyistic, corrupt BN or power-hungry, lying Pakatan?

This country cannot wait three more years to be saved.

It is already past 12 midnight.

Malaysiakini reports that from the Pakatan Rakyat speech in Kelana Jaya, Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim will be ready to form the government TODAY.

This is despite contradictory reports earlier that the plan may be deferred due to "distruption" to his plans.

Now there has been opinions that such "back alley" move is bad for democracy and is despicable.

But looking from events past few weeks it is obvious if Malaysia waits until the next general elections by 2012, motherland may be crippled by UMNO's undoing.

Devastated by March 8 tsunami, UMNO has not learnt its lessons and still continued its despicable divide-and-rule tactics, sweet-talking to rakyat about importance of racial unity, perpaduan and religious tolerence while preaching racial hatred messages to Malay grassroots telling them especially that the non-Bumis are going to take over this country.

The Ahmad Ismail furore has grown much more uglier with the arrests of Raja Petra, Teresa Kok and the Sin Chew reporter who covered Ahmad's speech in Bukit Bendera. Already Zaid Ibrahim the Law Minister had quit in protest.

Good news for Malaysia are the likes of Zaid Ibrahim. And better hope that Permatang Pauh showed that racial politicking has not worked with majority of Bumis who cast vote in the elections.

But like a wounded beast scorned, UMNO will throw all out to save itself from oblivion. They will instigate its ultra-fanatical members to go out on riot and cause another May 13. The mat rempits and samsengs led by Ahmad Ismail and don't be surprised if Khairy Jamaluddin follows, they will arm themselves with parangs, molotov cocktails and cause chaos everywhere. It may even be uglier than May 13th, with the mob going all out to "cleanse" this land from the clutches of non-Bumis and uphold their Ketuanan Melayu supremacy.

Should Najib take over the PM post even sooner, it will be even nastier. The former UMNO Youth leader who threatened to bathe Chinese blood in keris, this guy is much more no-nonsense than the gutless Badawi and will rule this country with an iron-fist that may make Mahafiraun-era seem like Paradise. He will use the ISA as his ultimate weapon and make arrests that will inflate Operasi Lalang figures by ten-fold. The UMNOputera will run fucking riot and it may be even too late for non-Bumis to think of migration.

For this, screw whether what DSAI does is ethical, non-democratic or betrays people's trust. Hell I do not even trust the man himself, but ask any decent-thinking Malaysian if they would pass up a chance for CHANGE.

Badawi, DPM Najib in deep shit over Ahmad revolt.

Datuk Ahmad Ismail surely has one big balls, defiantly refusing to apologize over racist statement he issued (according to a Chinese daily) despite even the DPM big man Najib issuing apology on UMNO's behalf and you gotta give him credit notwithstanding a piece of shit that bugger is. Ahmad turned the tables, demanding Gerakan and Koh Tsu Koon apologize to him instead for playing up the issue.

Sacking that dipshit would've lay the matter to rest. Instead they're not going to and UMNO big guy Badawi's best efforts is just making sure "he doesn't do it again". Heh, wanna know why? By sacking Ahmad, Badawi risks incurring wrath of ultra-fascist UMNO supporters who will take kowtowing to non-Malays a big shit smack right in the face. Badawi doesn't want that since his own support in party is already fragile as a paperthin waffle, and police report filed over his alleged money politics doesn't help either.

Gerakan and MCA doesn't want to risk losing non-Malay votes and will keep making noises but it is too late as the whole UMNO is viewed as scum by non-Malays and only terribly naive or mental people will view them otherwise. As demonstrated by Permatang Pauh elections, racial politics don't work no more.